How To Act:

Distress Intolerance

Self Care

Hopefully people are beginning to believe you either don't need help, or better yet, that it's not worth their time to care that much about you. Isolating yourself from the prying eyes of so-called “friends” and “loved ones” will increase the efficiency of the giving up process, but your greatest nemesis might still try to intervene. This monster lurks in the bushes, watching you walk down your path of apathy, ready to shit violently all over the place, thus causing you to seek an alternate route or continue your journey haunted by the horrid smell you’ll never be able to get out of your shoes. In case you haven’t figured it out yet (which shouldn’t surprise me anymore), this incontinent beast is you. Always has been, always will be.

We can't have you thwarting all your hard work by allowing your instincts for self-preservation to kick in. Everyone knows the saying "you are what you eat", but on a grander scale we can posit that "you feel how you treat yourself", and we want the “how” to be like crap! We've addressed berating and belittling yourself emotionally, but lowering the quality of your physical condition paves the way for a properly deteriorated mental state, so if you feel the urge to take care of yourself just execute a good 'ole BITCH SLAP

Be sick

Ignore proper eating habits

Take drugs and alcohol frequently

Change sleep patterns often

Hate exercise

SLAP yourself if you try to build any skills

Constantly tell yourself you should be doing something to take better care of yourself, don’t do anything, then beat yourself up about how you’re terrible at being a functional person. Repeat.

Now, this may seem like a lot of elements to keep track of, but the good news is they are all interconnected in a web of dysfunction! If you start sleeping too much you'll miss meals and just eat whatever you can take back to bed with you. Depending on the drugs you take you could be wide awake with no appetite or lethargic with a hankering for some sweet, salty, and/or slimy salvation. Not exercising will help curb the need for nutrition and minimize possibility for a restful night's sleep.

You know what, I don’t feel like writing out full sentences to describe all the relationships. I’ll just make you a little chart to illustrate how it all comes together. So handy

You’ll notice there’s no such thing as too little being sick or drug and alcohol consumption so go crazy with those! Best of all, too much or too little of any of the above will weaken your immune system so you can constantly be feeling at your very worst AND discourage people from wanting to be near your germy ass.

 Now, go give your body the BITCH SLAP it needs to drag you down into a torturous pit of painful monotony. 

Mix and match your favorite BITCH SLAP skills throughout your day

When Meagan lived in Scotland she noticed that the lack of sunshine in the winter was beginning to get her down. There was nothing she could do to change the weather so she instead had to look at the things she could control. 

She would often BE SICK in the cold, wet country, since she refused to trade her converse and light jacket for the more appropriate wellies and rain coat, and actively avoided trying to treat her illnesses. She would IGNORE her body's desire for the life-giving nutrients found in fruits and vegetables and haggis, and instead opted for fried pub staples, like fish and chips, and the Froot Loops her mom sent from home. These gave her a quick mood boost, followed shortly by a debilitating sugar crash. She dabbled in TAKING DRUGS, with little knowledge of their properties, and drank plenty of vodka and Red Bull to further intensify her mood swings. She frequently CHANGED SLEEP PATTERNS, fluctuating between and hibernating for half a week. She HATED exercise and the mood-lifting endorphins it would release, so she spent most of her time lethargically watching tv at her desk or in bed. She would sometimes consider joining a club or learning a new skill, but she would quickly SLAP that idea right out of her head and go back to feeling useless and alone. 

By following these principles Meagan reached a state where she wouldn't be able to take care of herself, even if she had wanted to. Following through, she feigned competence for a while before creating a huge crisis that alienated her remaining friends and forced her family to intervene. What commitment!